put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
