we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
