He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
