hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
