He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
