I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
