I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
