They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
