i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
