Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize