Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck

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(732): View more from New Jersey

her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.

Fav 19 1152 3648
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(361): View more from Texas

is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

(702): View more from Nevada

not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

Fav 23 3000 4739
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(402): View more from Nebraska

your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me

Fav 28 7745 1196
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.

Fav 5 1689 1188
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(845): View more from New York

Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence

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(760): View more from California

I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.

Fav 1 1173 533
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(716): View more from New York

I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible

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