capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
