my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
