he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
