; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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