well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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