All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
