dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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