I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he fucked my hip out of place.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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