Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
