im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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