I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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