I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
