you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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