Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize