I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
