1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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