I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
