His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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