Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
