so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
