Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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