New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
