I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
