Jerry, you need to find god
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
