someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize