Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
