That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
