Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize