Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
