I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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