she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
