When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
