remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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