how do flat chested girls get laid?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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