not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The air taste purple.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
