I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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