why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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