capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
