In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My ass is underappreciated
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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