No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
