Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
