she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
