So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
