Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
