i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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