Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
