sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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