break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
