I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
