i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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