Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My penis needs a shock collar
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
