So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you had me at cake vodka
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
