Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
