oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
