So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
