How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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