Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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