I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
