someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
