I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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