How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
