They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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