But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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