yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
