my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
