Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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