I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
