Got a toothbrush?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
