I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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